Know that Beauty is Everywhere

Ugh....What do you so when you have lost so much? There are the replaceable items; curling irons, socks, make-up, even cars. But what about those irreplaceable items? We have lost so many things that will never be replaced and sometimes that thought is enough to bring me to my knees.

Gone are my Gracie and Emily. These two pups drove me nuts but they were my crazy dogs and I miss them so much.

Baby pictures of Donovan, Kennedy and Ryan. With the exception of a few recovered they are all gone.

Christmas ornaments made by my babies going back 22 years...Gone. You can't replace those things.

Pictures and video of Oz and Ahbie with their family in Ethiopia. Gone.........

Pictures and video of Chuna and Elen with their Father in Ethiopia. We had recorded him talking to the girls, speaking words of encouragement and love to them. Gone..........

All of the pictures and video of our time in Ethiopia with the girls.Gone........

I had taken canvases and paints to Ethiopia when we got the girls. We knew we were going to see Oz and Ahbies family when we were there and so I wanted to bring a little piece of them home with us for the boys. I painted the hands of their Father and three Brothers and made hand prints on the canvases. Then I had each of them write their names on them. Likewise I did the same with the boys to give to their Father. These are gone...They are gone.....You can't replace hand prints made on that day, in that moment of life. Gone.......

*By Gods grace Chuna and Elens Fathers hand print was recovered. How some things made it and others didn't stuns me.

The honey bowl, hand carved by the boys Great grandfather. Passed down from generation to generation and gifted to us for the boys.Gone....

The video of Jimmy proposing to me. Gone......

Wedding day pictures. Gone......

Kennedy's graduation cap and gown. Gone....

Pottery we painted in Mexico. Gone....

A few years ago I started asking for letters instead of gifts from the kids for my birthday, Mothers day etc...These were all so special, and there was never a shortage of creativity. They were laced with words of love and special feelings often left unspoken by teenagers. Gone.....

As I work through this process of rebuilding my life I am reminded daily of not only the losses but also the incredible blessings which surround me every minute of every day. It is a such a fluid experience with feelings of deep pain mixed with gratitude every waking second of every day.

It is a very strange thing for me, not being able to escape for even a bit. Everywhere you turn there are reminders.

I have accepted the fact that only time will heal, and there are some things that will always be painful no matter how much time has passed. Such is life. If I am going to remain positive then I have to embrace the good and the bad because they go hand in hand and are beautiful in their own right.

How blessed I am to have had special Christmas ornaments from my children. How blessed I am to have sweet memories of the love my puppies demonstrated. How blessed I am to have read the loving words written by my children. My heart will always remember them. How blessed I am that we will no doubt visit Ethiopia again, and I will have paint and canvas' in hand.

At a time, when to the outside world it appears as if I have nothing, my life is actually remarkably full.

God is brilliant that way....


**I see these items which were salvaged and am reminded of how blessed I am. A hand made Christmas card from the kids. The journal I took with me to Ethiopia. A special gift from Ethiopia. My Husband....Life really is so very good**