Life these last six months has looked like this - hard, really hard, really-really hard, I am so far underwater I might die-hard, I'm done and I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE-hard, two good days in a row-nice, one week with no drama-nice, three weeks and only one dramatic episode-very nice, life feels good- really nice, hard? what hard? life is really good.....
This transition has been far and beyond the most difficult of all our adoptions. No amount of training, reading, or expert opinions and advice or prior parenting experience could have prepared me for what I was met with day in and day out. Let me repeat that - No amount of training, reading, or expert opinions and advice or prior parenting experience could have prepared me for what I was met with day in and day out.
When I was able to sleep I woke up exhausted, grieving, angry, guilty, sad, depressed, emotionally drained and incredibly lonely. I went to bed feeling these same exact feelings only magnified by that newest days events.
It was a long road, and one I do not ever want to travel again.
Our family is really lucky in that the issues we dealt with were, for the most part, temporary. There are still "off" days, but those are so few and far between now that they can be easily managed and do not suck the life right out of the house. Other families struggle with those issues daily for years, and have no reprieve. God bless them, my heart truly hurts for those mamas, papas, hurting children, and siblings.
I am happy to say that life is feeling good now. We have found a rhythm and everyone is settling into their own respective roles within the family. Huge, incredible strides have been made and a lot of healing has taken place. Those dark, dark days resulted in true genuine bright and sunny days. The kind of bright and sunny that you can only get when hearts are mended, and tended to, and trust, safety, security and love are no longer foreign concepts but a natural part of everyday life.
As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, and our family continues to evolve. I am eager to see how far we have come six months from today, and twelve months and two years from today. If the progress over these last six months is a fair gauge by which to hope then I look forward to what the future has to hold.
