The Ups and Downs and Ups Again

All week the kids have been so excited about Friday being their last day at school. They have counted down the "sleeps" and have wished for it to come faster. I was really happy about this, as the decision to home school them was riddled with doubts/what-ifs/uncertainty/fear....

Although I know it is the right decision, it is scary. Seeing their excitement allowed me to feel better about our choice.

The last day of school didn't look like what I thought it would, and my heart hurts for my children.

Chuna is sick, fever/vomiting/sore throat, and couldn't go to her last day of school. She hasn't made any comments about wishing she could have said goodbye to her friends, but I am bracing for that in the next few days as she begins to feel better. She is a social butterfly and has many friends.

Oz was in a great mood today. He woke up early so he could go to his last Friday morning before school dodge ball game. He was Star Student this week so he got to share his photos and answer students questions. He was excited about this. He attended his last after school reading session and had it been up to him he would rather have skipped it. He was happy, excited, and seemed relieved to have the day over. His friends and teachers put together a goodbye card for him and after reading the comments I realized just how special he was to so many. Here are a few of the many comments written:
"Oz you were a greeeeeeeeeeat friend"
"Oz you're the best and everyone will miss you"
"Oz you're the best and you've been the nicest person in the world"
"Oz you're the best student, best game player, and a great friend"

And they go on and on. He was admired, liked, respected, and held a special place in the hearts of so many.

My heart hurts for him, that he has to be pulled away from such kindness.

Ahbie was slow to get up this morning, asking if he could just stay home. Once up and with food in his belly he was excited to go to school. He was the most vocal about his excitement at being home schooled. And he meant it, until today after school.

I picked him up and the first thing he told me was how sad he was because he wont be able to play with his friends anymore. We started to talk about it and I did my best to acknowledge his feelings and reassure him he would have friends, some new, and some old, to play with. My words rang hollow of course because when you are sad and all you want are your friends, nothing anyone says will make you feel better.

He was on edge the rest of the evening, and through dinner. We eventually found a quiet corner where we could snuggle and talk. He opened up more about his feelings and I didn't try to make it better, only listened and acknowledged, and loved him up.

It seemed to have been just what he needed because he heard something on the television and with a big grin jumped up from my lap and said he just couldn't miss his favorite show. Fifteen minutes later, for no reason at all, he ran up to where I was sitting wrapped his arms around my neck, kissed my cheek, and ran back to resume watching his favorite show.

I know this is the right decision, I know that while they will have their sad moments, and even angry moments where they will question why I did this, in the end it is what is best for them.

I am praying like a mad woman that a year from now I can look back at this post and smile because I will see just how wonderful my babies are doing, how far they have come, and will have something tangible with which I can say that this was the right decision.

God please give me the wisdom needed to help them through their hard times....