Something Magical

Some days feel more like a gift then anything else. Today happened to be one of those days. It started out pretty slow, the usual Saturday morning responsibilities, nothing remarkable. I caught a glimpse of the blue sky outside and offered to set the sprinkler for Lil Man, Cupcake and Pixie to play in. Oz had gone on a motorcycle ride with Daddy for some much needed one on one time. Naturally they were quite excited about doing this and into their swimsuits they changed.

I had planned to turn the water on to let them play while I did some chores, but once I made it outside the lure of the warm breeze on my face, and soft grass under my feet was irresistible and I knew I had to grab the cameras, pull up a chair and enjoy this time with the little loves.

As I snapped photo after photo and took video of the laughter, it hit me. This is magical, this is a beautiful life, this is what God intended for me. And I was so happy, as in my heart ached with happiness and I could not stop smiling.

I listened to my little loves play, I watched them interact with one another as if they had been joined at the hip since birth, and the love I felt was exploding inside of me. I saw the water glistening on their perfect dark black skin, and was mesmerized with their smiles and laughter. It felt as if I were a spectator who had been invited into this wonderful world of happiness. How infinitely blessed I am to not be a spectator, but rather the Mother of such magical little angels.

And then, as if the day could not have been any better, my big loves came home. KK, Ry, and Donovan (who is now home for good after five years away in the NAVY) made their way to the backyard. They were laughing and giving one another a hard time, as only siblings can do and it too was magical. I had not seen them together in a very long time and it seemed to fill a space in my heart I did not realize had been empty.

It was then that I realized, I really miss my big loves, a lot...No matter how old they are, no matter how many littles are in the house, my big loves are what make my heart whole.

I love my children, all seven of them, from the oldest to the youngest, from the girls to the boys, from the tallest to the shortest, from the silliest to the most serious, from the ones carried in my womb to the ones carried in my heart, I love them all more then I love my next breath.

Thank you God for my Big Loves and my Little Loves...Amen Amen and Amen

Life Right Now

We have been home for three weeks and two days. It feels as if we have been home forever. It feels as if we have been a family forever. It feels like Gods hand has carried us through the not so easy, and continues to cradle us in our day to day living. He is so good, and we are so fortunate to be on the receiving end of his goodness.

The girls are adjusting wonderfully - knock on wood - and aside from starting the night in their bed, and waking up in ours, there are only the normal growing pains of going from a family of six to a family of eight.

Siblings are developing relationships, setting boundaries, and nurturing love for one another. Mommy and Daddy are figuring out ways to best encourage and help develop these relationships, as well as trying to figure out where the time for Mommy and Daddy exists in our - never a dull moment -  life.

If there was one thing I could say I miss the most in my day to day life it would be my Husband. I miss him. He is here, but with work, kids, new routines, more laundry then I ever thought possible, dishes, cooking, mediating those "MOOOOMMMMMMM SHE'S LOOKING AT ME!!!!" moments, we hardly have time to say goodnight before our heads hit the pillow for the night and a new day begins, which looks exactly as the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that.

A date night is in order.......

If there is one thing I am learning this time around, it is that I can't do this alone. I can't possibly do all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, entertaining children, etc and still be sane. So I am working on becoming a more organized and structured mama, and teaching the kids to be more organized and structured in the process. They are learning how to fold and put away their own laundry - while I learn it is OK for the girls to have some blue hangers in their closet, instead of all white and pink - this is killing me by the way, but with some deep breaths I can move past it....They are all learning how to vacuum, load and empty the dishwasher, pick up their rooms daily, turn off lights, turn off the water when  finished, pick up after the dogs (yes the girls are just THRILLED about this one), and how to entertain themselves. Almost hourly in our home you will hear this "it is a beautiful day, go outside and enjoy it" - "mom, we don't know what to do" - "child of mine, you play" - "but we don't know what to play" - "use your imagination" - "We don't have imagination" - "OK, lets lay down for a nap then" - "We'll be in backyard, bye Mom"- and suddenly they all know how to play...

I used to feel guilty about this, having convinced myself that unless I was entertaining them I was a bad mom. Then I got my head on straight and realized that only a foolish woman would ever think she is capable of taking the place of a child as playmate. Each day as I see the kids work through compromising with one another, teaching each other new and different things, assuming different roles, etc. I realize that reinforcing this play time is actually one of the best things I could have done for them. Pride in the strides they are making has replaced guilt.

Life isn't perfect, but it is wonderful none-the-less. Thank you God.....Amen and Amen and Amen....



                                               
                                        The Fearsome Foursome

 

                                         They LOVE swimming

                                                                                                                              
                                       They adore their cousin Janae       

                                         



                                       

And this is what I want my Children to ALWAYS remember

I saw this on facebook...Not sure who gets the credit but it is AWESOME!!!!!

"Aren't you from Ethiopia, that poor country?" Not Poor but: ...the Only African nation never colonized because we defeated the Europeans... First African's to win gold in the Olympics, African nation with its own Alphabet, The country that practiced Christianity before Europeans and accepted Islam before the Middle East! The first country that started with the flag colors that everyone rocks without even knowing what it means (Green, Yellow, Red) The country mentioned in Quran and also mentioned in the bible over 40 times, The country that is the origin of the coffee you drink, The country with so much culture and spirituality that you can't even comprehend! Yes!! Ethiopia, The Birth of the world The cradle of humanity. Yes I am from that beautiful country and am proud of it!! If you're from there you should be PROUD as well:))

Why did I wait so long?

We found the greatest church ever and I LOVE IT!!!!!

We have been attending the Ethiopian Evangelical Church, and never have I felt more at home, more welcome, and more loved. The people of this church are angelic, their souls are kind, gentle, and so very passionate for God.

Service starts with the choir singing songs in Amharic. First let me say I love the way Amharic sounds, it is beautiful. So although I do not understand what they are saying the emotion in their voices tells me all I need to know. It is a remarkable experience and I am so blessed to be able to have access to such beauty every Sunday.

The sermon itself is also in Amharic. We wear an earpiece to hear the translated version. I find sometimes that I want to turn the ear piece down and just listen to Pastor speak. He is so passionate about what he is saying, and to hear it in Amharic is unlike anything I can describe.

At the end of service we get the Ahbie from Sunday school, Oz stays with us, and we have Ethiopian bread and hot tea. The boys LOVE this. We visit with new friends, and I often find myself standing there wondering what it is I did to deserve such a phenomenal life. It is hard to wrap my head around the abundant blessings I am discovering each and every day.

Two thoughts often run through my head simultaneously -
Why did I wait so long to truly meet God?
You weren't ready, now is your time.

I understand completely what my thoughts mean, but I can't help but feel like now I am catching up for lost time. I have this hunger for more. More of Him. All of Him. It is in these moments that I smile and my heart bursts with joy because the truth is that I get to know Him each and every day. To know that there is this to look forward to is a bit like Christmas morning with many presents under the tree. Just when you have unwrapped one gift there is another, and another, and another.

I am so happy and God is so good.



                            This little guy LOVES having his picture taken...and I LOVE taking it...

                           Went to church with Nana and Pop. The boys were really happy about this.

                       

 No I did not know little man was in goofy mode when this picture was taken. It is perfect thought because it is a true depiction of just how much fun he is to be around.

Time Is Flying and The Girls Room is Done!!

I can't believe we are officially under two weeks until we leave. I feel as if I am walking in a fog, but in a good way. I don't know if it is because this is our second time around or becasue I am super busy with everyday life things, but time is flying, and I am CALM!!!!

I have all of the packing done, exept for what can only be packed the day before. I finished the girls books, as well as the books for their father. I have all of my prescriptions filled and packed, dr's appointments scheduled or completed, travel shopping done, girls room done (see pics beow), and it is Spring Break for all of the kids!!!!!

I was able to see a bunch of new pics of our girls....THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!! They are both laughing and smiling and their eyes are sparkling as if they haven't a care in the world. That does this mommas heart good.

I stare at their pictures and am still amazed at the striking resemblence between them and Oz and Ahbie. When we post pictures you will know what I am talking about. Oz and C look like they are twins and Ahbie and E look like they are twins. I always wanted twins, now it will be as if I actually have two sets of twins. Isn't God so good that way?

 Life is So Good, thank you God!!!!

Here are some pics of the girls room.....


                                                              View from the door
                                                               

                                        
 View from the door - C's bed is on the left and E's the right. The light fixture came from Home Depot and was originally gold. I spray painted it a pretty shade of pink.

                                     
  The canopy nets came from IKEA and I sewed on pink/white gingham ribbons to pull back. I also sewed on the pink ballet slippers. The mirror started off in oak. I painted it antique white to match their bedroom furniture and framed it with light pink ribbon and flowers. On the shelf I draped a pink and white scarf I had purchased from Ethiopia.

                                         

The girls bedding was one of the first things I bought. It is a pink french toile pattern with pink/white gingham trim. I found these adorable doll beds online and they fit in perfectly as the canopy is pink/white gingham. I found the area rug at IKEA.

                                                  

  The bookshelf started as oak, just like the one in the girls closet a few pictures below. I painted it antique white, trimmed the top with the same gingham ribbon used for the pull backs on the canopy netting above each bed. Then I removed the back of the shelf and stapled directly onto the shelves  one big piece of pink gingham fabric. Then I reattached the backing.

                                      

The rocking chair was also painted and the small throw pillow was the first pop of color I added to the room, breaking up the pink with a nice shade of green.

                                         



 I painted the little cupboard the same shade of green as the closet.

                                        


 The girls bathroom has the pink french toile shower curtain with matching towel which I found at Target.

                                                 


 The girls closet was white until I painted it this shade of green pulled from the throw pillow. I tried to soften the look of the closet by using thule as a border adorned with ribbons. The pictures make it look like a color you would see in a hospital, but in person it compliments the girls room nicely. I think replacing that flourescent light will make a big difference. The bookshelf is my next project.

                                               

 After pricing doll clothes I realized it was cheaper and much cuter to use newborn clothes instead. I also had quite a few 2t dresses that I made smaller by sewing, and they look adorable. I also bought a pack of newborn diapers instead of the doll diapers, they were chepaer and fit perfectly. The three baskets on the two bottom shelves were painted pink and then adorned with pink painted hearts and one with thule.
 

                                     



            This was a christmas wreath which I found on clearance at Target. I added the two pink birds and some light pink roses, which I got from Michaels.

 

    I ordered a couple of American Girl dolls, 6 inch size, which come with these sweet little books.

                                        

This set was given to me by my MIL. At the time all of the figures and baby dolls were white with blonde hair. I took out my handy dandy paint brush and painted each face and arm brown, hair black, and then repainted the faces. This is one of my favorite things in their room. The lollipops behind are christmas ornaments with the hook and ribbon removed.

                                       

I  prefer these Madame Alexander dolls to the American Girl Dolls. I think they are much more beautiful.

                                        

How do you know?

How do you know when the choices you make are the right ones? How do you know when the feelings you feel are real and not contrived to fit any given situation? How do you know the path you are walking is the right path, the path God has destined you to walk? How do you know if what you are doing is His will and not your own human desires pushing his will out of the way?

I don't know the answer to any of these questions. Not one answer for one single question. And tonight it makes me mad that I don't know. I hate when I feel this way, when I feel like my foundation of faith is cracking and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I am, by nature, a girl who relies on faith. I have to have that otherwise I would likely be locked in a padded room somewhere.

When I feel unsettled my mind will wander to places it doesn't belong. The whys begin...The doubts become my new reality...and suddenly everything I thought was "right" seems off and left of center. It is a process which perpetuates itself. Running circles in my mind, endless circles that leave me feeling completely exhausted.

It isn't until I reach that point of exhaustion that it stops and I can then regroup and regain my bearings. If I try to interrupt the process that only makes it worse. So I have to let it run its course.

This would be a really bad thing, if, I didn't already know the outcome. And the outcome is so worth the craziness that ushered it in.

It is renewal. Becoming new again. Fresh, Optimistic, More Determined to stay the course, Motivated to be better, more Faithful to Him, and of course more certain than ever that He is in charge, not me. Faith - deeper - stronger - more honest...

What a beautiful experience. Where else in your life can you feel such genuine pleasure and joy? To be emptied so completely and then refilled with His pure unconditional love, there is nothing that compares.

So that begs the question - How Do You Know?- and the answer is simple - You Just Do -

I am so happy to have Him. I will spend forever trying to show Him just how much I love Him.

....and so they begin

The nightmares...The dog-gone pre-travel nightmares that plague me each night ...

Last night was the worst yet...We were sitting before the judge and she was talking to one of the other families...It dawned on me that everyone had an envelope with paperwork in it, paperwork needed to pass court. I did not have the envelope of paperwork. I started to panic, and looked at Jimmy, who was smiling becuase he had no idea I didn't have this paperwork. He was under the impression we were minutes away from passing court and I knew that was not going to happen. My mind was reeling. I was trying to remember where the paperwork was, did I leave it at the guesthouse? was it in the van we rode to the courthouse in? I was rummaging through my purse, praying it was in there...And then it hit me...The paperwork was on the other side of the world, in my study, mixed in with all of the paperwork I had intended to file away but never got to. It was there and we were here and the judge was getting ready to ask us for it, and jimmy had that smile, and I thought I was going to die...I leaned into him and whispered that I did not have the paperwork. he thought i was joking and patted my knee "good one honey" he said. I started crying, and he realized I wasn't playing, and his smile faded, disappointment filled his eyes, then anger, he was furious, the judge turned to us and I woke up....

It is going to be a long two weeks...

The tickets are booked and I'm half crazy

I am so excited, we have booked our plane tickets. We depart DIA on Friday April 6...We will stay the night in Washington DC and leave for Ethiopia Saturday morning. We will fly Ethiopian Airlines (LOVE THEM) and arrive in Addis Ababa on Sunday April 8th.

With the boys we had two months to prepare for travel, this time it is slightly less then one month to prepare. The shopping, packing, appointments, more shopping, more packing, more appointments, spending, spending, and more spending, e-mails, final paperwork, more paperwork, oops one more signature needed, more shopping, more spending, more packing....and it has only been two days since we were notified of our court date.

This on top of the daily routines of dropping off and picking up children from school, doing the laundry, the housecleaning, the pet feeding, the grocery shopping, and every other little thing that typically consume an average day at casa de Martinez.....

Jimmy has been working like a mad man these last couple of months, because, well, I don't work anymore (outside of the home) and to him debt is the devil...He must have none in order to function, and as a result, works to pay off as quickly as we are accumulating. I love my Husband, he is a great man and a great provider. God love him.

Thus, I am doing almost all of the above myself. I'm tired. Lord can you hear me? I am tired.

I need a chef, a dish washer, a housekeeper, a laundry do-er(huh?), a chauffer, a personal shopper, and an overall clone of me multiplied by 300. Then maybe, just maybe, I can meet each deadline, pack every last item, balance my checkbook, scour through paperwork for the 3 billionth time, take a shower, get out of these sweat-pants, wear a pair of matching socks, make-up? what's that? so what that I haven't shaved my legs for nearly two weeks, you should see my arm-pits, and make it to Ethiopia with some of my hair still attached to my head.

I can't seem to get organized no matter how many lists I write, and re-write, and tear up to start over again.

Breathe I keep telling myself, but that only takes more time, which I don't really have.

Oh Lord, please give me the endurance I need to make it through these next few weeks without losing what is left of my mind. Thank you, I Love You, and Amen.

God is So Good

On January 26th I wrote a post, in it I mentioned how delightful it would be if God brought everything together in such a way that we were able to meet our daughters on Easter Sunday, just as we had met our Boys on Easter Sunday last year.

It was only wishful thinking of course, as we had no court date, and no idea when we would hear anything.

In typical God is Awesome fashion he brought everything together just so, and and a result we will indeed meet our Daughters on April 8th,2012 Easter Sunday....

I sure do love this Man called God....Amen...Amen...and Amen...

Some days nothing beats a phone call

We got it, the call we have been waiting for. The call that tells us we have a court date and are going to be mommy and daddy again to two beautiful baby girls...Our court date is Wednesday April 11, 2012...

Thank you God!!! Thank You!!! Thank You!!!  Thank You!!!

Gratitudes

1. I am grateful for painful memories of the past, which remind me of the joy in my life today.

2. I am grateful for this daily reminder in my living room....

3. I am grateful for my Husbands love. Without him my life would be painfuly different.

                                                         
  
4. I am grateful for my Son's love of the piano. It is music to my ears daily and inspires me to be better.

                                                             
     5. I am grateful for the opportunity to have dreams.....

                                                                     
6. I am grateful for little one's artwork

      
7. I am grateful for my love of reading, and most important, that I am blessed to know how to read.....

8. I am grateful for friends www.emariestar.blogspot.com who blog about making fantastic home-made laundry soap...

9. I am grateful for friends who are gracious enough to send me pictures of my baby girls on the other side of the world....

My "E"

My "C"

  10. I am grateful for "Faith" which allows me to maintain peace in my heart in the midst of chaos...

                                                                

Gratitude and Iron Man

I have discovered this great book "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp which is best described as follows:

With startling lyrical power, Voskamp writes the answers to universal questions:

• Where is joy in the midst of cruelty and chaos, duties and despair?
• How does one slow down enough for the soul and God to live in synch?
• How in the world do we learn to find God and live fully?

It is about finding gratitude daily, even in the midst of feeling anything but grateful.

I am inspired by this book and touched by her ability to put into words so many of my thoughts and feelings.

It is only recently I have started looking for new ways to better who I am with any bit of real sincerity. I have this longing to be a better Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, etc. I realize I have become stuck, that I have been stuck for a really long time and change is necessary if I am to live my life to its fullest potential.

Practicing gratitude daily, many times through-out each and every day is profoundly uplifting and triggers changes in area's you never thought possible. However, it is hard....It is work...It is not easy to live in the moment and to change life-long habits in order to drink in all there is to be grateful for.

I have been recording my gratitude's by way of the old-school journal, putting pen to paper, and foregoing the ease and convenience of the the computer. I thought that doing it that way would make it more "authentic" somehow. I am here to tell you that it doesn't. What a silly little notion that was. Going forward I am going to record them here, on my blog, where I can type out what I say in a quarter of the time it takes me to write it down.

I am not a girl who can start something mid-way through the week or without having a clear beginning point. For me that beginning point is always at the start of a new week. Every Sunday will be my day to capture my gratitude's from the prior week.

I have also had the boys start a gratitude journal of their own. Priceless are the items in which they feel grateful for. Things like "friends to play basketball with", "The Watermelon Plant that is now growing by leaps and bounds"  and of course "watching Iron Man".....It is a work in progress for each of us but a tradition I intend to maintain with them for years to come.

God....thank you for Ann Voskamp, she is an inspiration to many....amen and amen and amen

I gave him milk, he wanted green tea

Strange the little things that can set off a firestorm of upset.

Dinner was served, milk was the drink of choice, I didn't know he wanted green tea. A glass of milk was enough to spark a meltdown, right there at the table. From smiles and laughter to tears and silence in just a blink of the eye.

I recognize the pattern and know that at this point there is no coming back, it simply has to run its course. He finishes his dinner, leaving the drink untouched, and leaves the table.

He takes refuge in his room, where he goes when he needs to be alone. I hear him crying, I want to go to him but I know this will not help, he prefers to cry it out and then be comforted, doing the opposite, I learned long ago, only adds fuel to the fire.

He is quiet, I hear his door open, he comes down the stairs and I call him to me. He sits and says "You dont love me and Dad doesn't love me" he is crying again. I am stunned and I tell him how we do love him, that we love him very much. "No you guys don't love me and I don't want to be in your family anymore" this feels like a kick in the stomach. I maintain my composure, knowing that if I allow myself to process that comment I will cry. I take his hand in mine and I tell him I am so sorry he is feeling this way, that we love him and that our family is so wonderful because he is in it.
"I don't want you to love me anymore Mom" is his response.

He shuts down, he wont talk anymore. He will not elaborate, he will not say why he is so upset, why he feels we don't love him, and why he doesn't want to be in our family.

He goes back to his room. It is late and he goes to bed.

I know that these types of comments are not uncommon from children when they are upset. Whether biological or adopted, children go through these stages. Learning how to process feelings, learning how to identify their true needs, is not easy for the average child. The difficulty is multiplied infinitely when you have children who have experienced significant life trauma.

I know he doesn't mean this. I know he is happy, and that he loves us. I witness his coming to life again and again day after day. The transformation is beautiful and I am so proud of him.

But knowing this does little to take the sting out of his words. My tears are shed in private, I gain much needed perspective, and tomorrow is a new day.

How I love my Son, and hate to see him hurting.

I hear his door again and I hear whispered voices,he is talking to Daddy. Footsteps on the stairs tell me he is coming down. To me he comes and in a voice barely above a whisper he says "I'm sorry Mom" he hugs me and we talk for a short time before he goes back up to bed.

Everything will be ok.

Thank You God, you are so good.

    

February 28 is a great day

I found out today that we were submitted to court in Ethiopia!!!! YYYIIIPPPEEEE!!!!!!

One year ago today we received the call that we had an April 27 court date for Oz and Ahbie!!!!

And twenty-three years ago today my beautiful Donovan was born...Happy Birthday Little Man!!!!!

Ahbie my love...

My Ahbie, little angel baby....

I was up until 4am last night reading a book, The Trouble With Alex by Melanie Allen....

I knew I had to get up at 7am to get the kids ready for school but I couldn't put the book down. As predicted 7am came way to soon and I dragged myself out of bed. To my delight there was a ton of snow which resulted in no school for the day...

YIPPEE!!! I could go back to bed...Yeah right, not so fast Mama. Ahbie was up and he asked me, ever so sweetly, if I would please watch a movie with him. I explained how tired I was and that if I watched a movie with him I would likely fall asleep...He smiled and said "dass ok mommy you can sleep and I will watch the movie" Perfect solution....

I told him to head downstairs that I was gathering up warm blankets and I would meet him down there....Blankets in hand I trek to the basement and as I round the corner I hear his little voice "close your eyes mommy for one second please" I do, and I can hear shuffling and a little giggle, then he tells me I can open my eyes. My little munchkin was standing next to his very neatly made makeshift bed on the couch. He had grabbed his comforter and a throw blanket along with a couple of throw pillows and laid them out for me to sleep on. His smile could not have been brighter as he showed me his thoughtful act of loving kindness...He patted the pillow and invited me to lay down so I could sleep. After big hugs and kissses he asked me which movie I wanted to watch. I told him it was his choice, whatever he wanted. He insisted I pick, telling me it was my turn. Kung Fu Panda was the pick of the day....I was awake for about 20 minutes and then remember only waking up to the TV off, then falling back to sleep and waking up again with the tv on and Ahbie singing theKung Fu Panda theme song.

He saw me awake and asked "did you have good sleep mommy?" I said "yes baby thank you for letting me sleep".  He asked if I was hungry, and I told him yes. He said that he would make me breakfast, scrambled eggs if I wanted - (he loves making scrambled eggs). I thanked him and asked if I could have cereal instead. He said "mommy it's your breakfast, whatever you want I will make" So cereal it was....We go upstairs, he shows me where to sit at the table. Then he gets the bowl, spoon, cereal and milk. He brings me my cereal and I thank him, "you're welcome mommy"  (I LOVE the "mommy" stage, because you know they are still lil babies) then he asks me if I want milk or apple juice to drink...Apple juice please....He starts pouring and asks me if I want a little or a lot? Just a little please....

Then he pours himself a glass and sits next to me. His smile is unwavering and you can see the pride he feels at taking such good care of Mommy....

This little angel baby has stolen my heart, and just when I think I have seen the depths of his love he shows me even more....Thank you God for the blessing of my Little Ahbie.....Amen and Amen and Amen

Falling Into Place

Everything is falling into place beautifully. While we don't yet have a court date to travel to Ethiopia for our Daughters, decisions are being made and finalized in preparation for this life-changing event.

We have decided for this first trip to court we are going to bring everyone. Everyone being Jimmy, Myself, Kennedy, Ryan, Oz, and Ahbie. It was important to me that KK and Ry see their Brothers and Sisters country of birth. They need to breathe the same air, smell the same smells, hear the same sounds, and experience the beauty and tragedy of it all. My hope is that this will be a life-changing experience for them both and they will choose a path in their life of grace, servitude and humility.
It is equally important to me that Oz and Ahbie go back to their homeland, for better or for worse this is theirs to claim. Amidst the poverty and sorrow there is a richness of spirit and love unlike anything I have experienced before, anywhere. My Sons have much to be proud of, and as with KK and Ry I want to guide them down a path of living in grace, servitude and humility. I want them to cultivate compassionate hearts for their Country.

We are also blessed that while Jimmy, KK, Ry, and Oz will fly home after court, Ahbie and I will remain in Ethiopia with the girls until we can all fly home as a family. Upon passing court our daughters will leave the Care Center and stay at the guest house with us. This was not something I thought would be possible, but God made sure everything would fall into place just so, thereby making it possible for us to do this.

I felt so strongly about doing this and struggled for the longest time at the thought of having to leave the girls. I am convinced one of the reasons the boys have adjusted so well is because we were able to live there, in familiar surroundings, foods, smells, language, etc for almost six weeks. The three of us together 24 hours a day 7 days a week enabled us to build the foundation of our relationship on what could be called "their turf" and I thank God often for that opportunity.

I pray and hope that we will net the same result with our Daughters.

The Boys US Passports arrived in the mail yesterday. What a beautiful thing to see. It is almost unimaginable to think that our Sons were "orphans" and without family this time last year. And now they are US Citizens, with a family that loves them endlessly, and they will soon have Sisters who share their same experience. God is so good.

Amazing the difference one year makes.    

 

Closer

We are one step closer to our baby girls...On Wednesday we received our appointment notification to have our Biometrics (fingerprints) taken. This is required to obtain our I171H which is needed in Ethiopia to pass court. Our appointment was scheduled for March 5th but we went there today in the off chance they would take us early,and to our delight, they did. We were in and out within 10 minutes.

It should take several weeks to receive the I171H, and we will have it in plenty of time to pass court. We don't have a court date yet and wont know anything until after Feb 26 as the courts are closed until then.

So, with fingers crossed we wait to hear something....

Perspective

As I wait for word on our Court Date I have days where I am so impatient with this process. Why does it seem to take so ever-loving long? Why can't I have my Girls home NOW? It goes on-and on-and on.....

So today I took a step back and gained some much needed perspective....

It is February 13, 2012...In little more then eight to ten weeks I will have my Daughters in my arms, never again letting them go. Orphans no more.

Eight.To.Ten.Weeks.

We officially started this process in December, so the reality of knowing that within four to five months from that time (possibly sooner) I will be Mommy to two more Little Beauties is really quite unbelievable.

What am I complaining about?
Shame on me, when there are others who have been waiting years with still no end in site.

But worse, shame on me for complaining when the reaity my Girls live daily is beyond anything I can even comprehend.

For me it is eight to ten weeks of having something to look forward to, something to go to. My destination is filled with light and joy. For my babies it is eight to ten more weeks of loss, of being away from all they ever knew. Every day is one more day without their Mommy, without their Daddy. One more day of no one one to love them as only a family can. For them ten weeks time translates to deeper loss. There hearts have no destination, darkness is all they know of their future.

They haven't an inkling of what their life will look like four months from now. Instead they live in a daily state of limbo, not knowing from one minute to the next if they will remain where they are, or be whisked off to another location, in another strange place, with another strange language, and a bunch of strangers surrounding them. It is impossible to imagine their terror. Although it may not be exhibited by them on a daily basis, it is there.

For them there is no end in site. They do not have the luxury of knowing that they do actually have a Family chomping at the bit to hold them in our arms, to embrace them and quench their parched souls with unending love.

Perspective is this...

As I decorate their room with a smile on my face, giddy with excitement, they sleep, often two to a bed, that is nothing more then a worn piece of foam, sharing a blanket as thin as can be, and if they are lucky, something to create a make-shift pillow. As I buy their pretty girl clothes, looking for hair bows and headbands to match, they will sleep in  same clothes they have worn for two days, which most likely consist of pajama bottoms intended for a toddler and a little boys shirt, or worse, a toddlers onesie-turned-shirt for an eight year old with the snaps just covering her belly button. As I lay in bed at night and think about all of the ways I am going to love them and delight in how much they are going to add to our family, their thoughts are on the loss of their family, and all things familiar. 

I get to anticipate the joy to come and share this excitement and new season of our life with my Husband, while they are saddled with grieving the heart-wrenching loss that has been thrust upon them, alone.

Perspective is a necessary thing.

No more days of impatient waiting, instead, when that feeling comes on I will turn that energy into prayers for my babies. Prayers for their hearts to be soothed, for their fears to abate, for there to be a tiny seed planted in their soul that says "you will have a mommy and daddy again, you are loved by many, you will never again have to face the trials of life alone, hang in their little one God is good"

And this will be my anthem from now until they are in my loves embrace:

This is the last February 13 they will spend without a family.
This Valentines Day will be the last they will spend without a family.
Their birthdays, which passed two months ago, will be the last they spend without a family.
When March 1st comes, it will be the last March 1st they spend at an Orphanage.
Every day up until we have them in our arms will be a last for them because when these dates roll around again next year their life will be, God willing, full of abundant love and joy.

Thank you God for perspective, You always know just what I need. Please keep my babies close to you, they need your love and comfort just as they need the air to breathe. Love them in my absence Lord, and please help me to have the strength and wisdom I need to make it through this wait with your intended perspective......Amen..Amen...and Amen

....and so we wait

Today we got a call that finally made me feel as if we are making some forward progress with our second adoption. Our Dossier is headed to Washington DC...finally....It will be in Washington DC for about a week (God willing less then that) and then sent directly to Ethiopia where it will be translated and we will be submitted for a court date.

I am hopeful we will hear of a court date within the next 4-5 weeks. I am secretly wishing for a March court date but realistically it probably wont come until April.

April is a good month though for a couple of reasons...Jimmy's birthday is in April, and our court date for Oz and Ahbie was April 27, 2010...We met our boys on Easter Sunday last year.

This year Easter falls on April 8th and I smile at the thought of God leading us to our daughters on the same blessed day as he did our Sons just one year ago.

This of course is only wishful thinking, but I hold on to whatever bit of excitement I can, as the waiting at times is exhausting.


 

A Priceless Treasure

It is always the small steps that are the biggest, at least on my home front. My Asart, my usually quiet, timid, hard to read little boy is starting to reveal himself more and more. He is starting to crave my love and affection, to actually want it and embrace it when given.

My Son is a puzzle of sorts. While I thank God endlessly that we have not yet had any of the big problems that some parents who adopt older children encounter, that is not to say we don't have areas of improvement.

One of these areas is my relationship with Asart. More specifically his need for Mommy. He bonded with Jimmy effortlessly and in a beautifully natural transition. Watching them is like watching two peas in a pod. If you were to only describe them by personality, not physical traits, you would be certain they had the same blood running through their veins. So much alike they are, it is uncanny and remarkable, and really quite amazing if you think about it.

But, for Asart and I the bonding process, the building of trust, the ease with which he approaches Daddy and not yet Mommy, are always at the forefront of my mind. Ways in which to blossom this Mother-Son relationship are constantly swirling through my head.

I cherish the times we have together, where he and I kind of have "our thing". One of those is homework. I help him with this, and I love seeing his progress. Also when I drive the boys to school in the morning Asart is my co-pilot. He looks at speed limit signs, then at the speedometer and lets me know when I need to speed up, "go forty Mom" ,  "Change lanes Mom"  , "Ahbie, Mom is driving she can't look", and then we have our Banana Car and Slug Bug ritual in that each time he sees one he gives me a high five instead of the sock-it-to-ya kind of punches the boys delight in. These are our things and I love them.

This past Sunday quite a remarkable thing happened in our home. Asart asked me if I wanted to watch football with him. Not Soccer Futball but American Football, which he is now completely obsessed with. It is important to note that Asart doesn't really "invite me" to do anything, so this was huge. I immediately dropped all that I was doing and took my seat beside him on the sofa. He started telling me different things going on, "dass a field goal mom" , "only 4 minutes 20 seconds mom" , "he got a touchdown mom", etc. I adored the way he took pride in "teaching" me what he knew and I tried to soak in every last bit of it. It felt so good to be included. We had been watching for about 30 minutes when I noticed he moved closer to my side. Then he slowly, like half an inch at a time slowly, rested his head on my shoulder - and he left it there. Then he started asking me things like which team I liked the best, do I like football, and other random questions that helped him get to know me a little better.

It was magical, it was huge, it was something he had never done before. I always initiate our affection, to which he doesn't object per-se, more sort of tolerates it.
We watched the entire game together, and save for the first 30 minutes, his head rested on my shoulder and he soaked up the feeling of having a Mommy on which to rest his head.

I love this boy infinitely. Every little step he takes is like a birth, he becomes new, again and again and again.

Thank You God for this treasure who is my Son, he is priceless.