Basement Two

I am so excited. The basement is moving along at a rapid pace and we are on track for the 8 to 10 week timeline.

Framing is finished and we did a walk-thru of where we want light switches, electrical outlets, cable and phone jacks, as well as the placement of overhead lighting.

The electrician come tomorrow and the plumber on Saturday.

Then we wait for inspection which is currently 1 to 2 weeks out. Once inspection is passed they will insulate and put up the drywall.

Here are the latest pictures of the progress.

*View from the top of the stairs*

*Main wall at the bottom of the stairs. There are two built in art niches to break up the flat wall*

*Bedroom/Craft room*

*Bdrm/craft room

View from outside the bdrm/craft room*

*They have removed the piece of wall to open it up. It will be finished with a rail and ballisters matching what we have upstairs*

*This will be the wall the TV is mounted on*

*The couch will be along this wall*

*Another view of the open stairs*

The Basement

We are finally moved in and getting settled. We have jumped in with both feet and embarked on our  biggest project yet, finishing our 2200 sq. ft. basement.

There are going to be two more bedrooms, one will be Ryan's room and the other my craft room.
We are also putting in my "hair salon" room which will be just like a salon with the chair/sink for washing hair as well as the chair for styling. With three girls here I needed a designated room for the hours I'm going to log doing hair.

We will also have a great room where everyone can gather for television watching, game playing, etc. And finally a full bathroom and an unfinished storage room.

I thought it would be a fun project to document via pictures the progress. Since this will be an 8-10 week process I will update every Wednesday with the weeks progress.


*** View from the door leading to the basement ***

 

***View from the top of the basement stairs***

***At the bottom of the stairs this view is to the left, the walk-in closet and door to the craft room has been framed***

***View of the bathroom framed. On the left hand side will be a linen closet, on the right a double vanity. There will be a pocket door that separates the toilet and tub.

***View of the walk-in closet in the craft room***

 

***View of the craft room***

 

 

***View of Ryan's room and the "hair salon"***

***View of the great room from Ryan's room. The hot water heater and furnace will be enclosed as part of the storage room.

***View of where the television will hang once the walls are completed. The storage room is behind.

***View of the great room from the storage room***

***View of the great room looking toward Ryan's room and the "hair salon"***

***View of the stairs/wall currently. We will cut out part of the wall to make it open as you come down.***

 

 

Looking Back To Move Forward

As 2012 comes to an end I wish I had some poignant words of wisdom or earth shattering advice but I don't.

Instead I will post what I wrote on May 30, 2011 the day my Sons left life at the orphanage behind them forever. After reading this I have to say to anyone out there considering adoption, but who are afraid of older child adoption; DON'T BE!!!! Older children are such a blessing, I will have to write a post about how amazing they are. I could not imagine life being any more beautiful, fulfilling, and filled with fun and love than what we have now. Seriously, I can't say it enough OLDER CHILD ADOPTION IS AWESOME!!!!

I can't think of a better way to set the tone for 2013.

Happy New Year!!!!!!

When I got to the orphanage, it wasn't a run to your arms kind of greeting. They were in class  sitting at the table with about 8 other kids. All of the kids came to me so it was more of a hug all of them until you get to the boys. They were both smiling but Asrat seemed reserved, which is what I had emotionally prepared myself for. What I wasn't prepared for was how short lived his reservation would be. After 5 minutes in the classroom I took the boys outside where it was just us. We hugged again, I told them I loved them and missed them and I was so happy to be back here with them. 

The three of us went to their room where they changed into the outfits I brought for them. Asrat was so happy about his clothes, he said "thank you Mommy" several times, totally unsolicited. Once in their new clothes we went back to the classroom for lunch. Asrat motioned for me to pull up a chair between him and Ahbie and then offered me some of his food. I took a little bit and he was happy. After eating, Oz said "Taxi"? and ran to the door, it wasn't there and he was disappointed.

Bete who is one of the staff at Sele Enat, Oz, Ahbie and I stood on the porch outside the classroom and talked. After 15 minutes and still no taxi Oz said "Mommy come" and motioned to follow him to the boys room. It was raining outside and he wanted to play. Once in the room he started to play karate with me, I couldn't believe it. Karate was an activity reserved for Daddy, and I was delighted he felt comfortable enough with me to have this fun. We did that for a bit and then he started taking pictures with our camera. I did not give them their camera until we got to the hotel. He had fun posing with the other boys he had spent the past year with, and was so happy...I had never seen him this happy.

After pictures they all watched the videos we had recorded before I left home, and of Ryan dancing, airport footage I took of the airplanes when I was in Frankfurt.

When the cab finally arrived and Oz and Ahbie said goodbye, gave hugs to friends, staff, and nannies and we climbed in the cab. It was not the hotel van I was used to, instead one of the small blue car cabs. There was another family there too so the seating went like this - Driver - Dad from other family in front passenger seat - Mom from other family holding 10 mo. old baby boy in backseat by the window behind passenger seat - Asrat in the middle in the back - Ahbie on my lap in the back by the window behind the driver. Ahbie spent the entire ride staring out the window, fascinated. Asrat was watching both out the window and straight ahead, he looked happy but also uncertain.

We arrived at The Addis View Hotel and everyone got out on the passenger side. I was the last one out and Oz and Ahbie waited for me. Standing on either side of me they each took a hand and we walked up the stairs into the hotel. The staff greeted them and the shy Oz was back. We got our key and went upstairs to our room. Once onside they saw their toys and spent a couple hours examining each of them. Oz was also taking a lot of pictures and we spent a lot of time at the window watching traffic. Asrat would count the buses, taxis, cars etc. that would go by. He would say "Big Red Bus" or "Small White Car". That's where he taught me the days of the week. He laughs at me because I have a hard time with some of the sounds, like rolling r's and that crazy "k" sound which I still can’t do. But he taught me and I wrote them down. Then we went for the walk to the soccer field. I slipped on the hill and my pants were covered in mud along with my feet and hands. Oz and Ahbie didn't know what to do so they stood there and then I started laughing. Once I did that they started laughing too. Then I look around and people everywhere were looking at me and laughing. I looked at them and shrugged my shoulders as if to say "yes I'm a crazy American Lady" it really was funny. Oz got a picture of my muddied pants. As we were walking back to the hotel people were looking at me, so I said to Oz, "you're mommy is crazy" he laughed. Ahbie was a good boy, holding my hand the entire time, fascinated with all that was around him. We got back to the hotel and I cleaned off in the tub. I used wet wipes to clean Ahbie and Oz feet and I asked if they were hungry. They were and so I grabbed my trusty Amharic book and told them "after eat Ahbie Oz bath”, they understood and I was so thankful.

We went up to the restaurant and it was just the three of us. The wait staff were very nice and the boys polite. I ordered for them beef and injera with water to drink. I had beef kabobs with rice and orange Fanta. While waiting for dinner to arrive we were looking out the window and again Oz was counting the buses etc. Ahbie and Oz were talking back and forth, pointing at things for one another to look at, and then Ahbie asked Oz a question and Oz asked me "Is that America?" and pointed to some buildings in the distance. I said no, it is Ethiopia. Ahbie understood what I said and got that silly look on his face like whatchu talkin bout Willis? It was hilarious!!!!! I tried my best to explain America after Airplane.

Dinner arrived and I served their plates. I also shared my rice with them, it wasn’t plain white rice it had corn and beans mixed in, really good. I also shared my Fanta with them and they liked it so I will let them share one each day as a treat. I am sticking to water for now as they need it. They never drank at the orphanage. Always bottled too, I don’t want them drinking from the tap.

Dinner was about an hour, it was FUN!!!! We laughed and had our version of conversation; they both ate all of their food and were happily satisfied.

We came back to the room and I ran the bath with bubbles. I put Ahbie in first and slowly poured water over his arms, chest and back. Asrat was kneeling next to me, still dressed, playing with the bubbles. I motioned for him to get undressed and hop in and then left the bathroom so he could have privacy getting undressed. I think he was a little unsure with my being in the room, once I left he hopped right in. The light went out (not the power just the bulb) so I brought in the candle. I showed them how to play with the bath toys and said I would be right back. When I was in the other room I could hear them both laughing and talking, splashing and laughing some more. I could hear water hit the floor and more laughing. It was awesome. I took the camcorder and placed it outside the bathroom so I could get their voices on tape.....I hope it came out.......I went in and washed their hair, I asked if they were ready to get out and they weren't they still wanted to play. Another 20 minutes or so went by and Ahbie was cold and ready to get out. I washed his body and got him out, wrapped him in a big yellow towel and took him to the bed. He was trembling. I dried him and put his pjs and some socks on then I wrapped him in a big blanket like a burrito pulled the covers down and tucked him in to warm up. Then Asrat was ready to get out. He let me wrap him in the towel and dry him off. He was cold too so we dried and got into pjs and a pair of socks and he went around to his side of the bed and crawled under the covers. Ahbie had warmed up and I unwrapped him from the blanket. He went potty and then climbed back into bed. I tucked them in, we said our traditional Mommy goodnights and Asrat was asleep in no time. I laid in my bed and started to read, looking over at Ahbie every few minutes as he drifted off to sleep.

That was our first day. It could not have gone better. I love these boys, they are angels.

My Anyuak Princesses

I Love This So Much.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Qlkd0N_b1j8

Easter Sunday

Timing....Gods timing never ceases to amaze me. I love knowing that he has everything under control.

We met our Sons for the very first time on Easter Sunday 2011. That day will forever be etched into my heart. Three days later we were declared their parents forever and ever. Eight weeks later we were home.

We met our Daughters for the first time on Easter Sunday 2012. This day, too, will forever be etched into my heart. As with the boys, we were declared Mommy and Daddy forever and ever three days later. Four weeks later we were home.

In only the way God can, he was weaving our family together without us ever realizing it. What we didn't knowat the time is we also met our Daughter on Easter Sunday 2011.

Friends and Family, today I rejoice in telling you that we are embarking on our third adoption journey in as many years. We are going to get our Daughter in Ethiopia.

Beautiful "S" came to Sele Enat, the same orphanage our Sons were at, a few months after our Sons arrived there. She was very ill and required medical treatment for some time before she stabilized. We got to know her. We played with her, loved on her, and ultimately fell in love with her.

When we embarked on our second adoption we inquired about "S" and were told she had been matched with a family. We were so happy for her, but sad for us, as we had fallen in love. But as is Gods will we were meant to find our beautiful girls, and they were meant to come home with us at that time.

When we returned to Ethiopia in April 2012 for the girls we brought Oz and Ahbie with us. One of our first stops was to return to Sele Enat. As we were visiting with the children, many familiar faces were still there from our prior years trip, there she was. Imagine our surprise in seeing her, as we had been told she had a family and we assumed she would have been gone. We quickly found out she did not have a family when, as I was standing there, she came up to me, tapped me on the arm and asked me if we had come for her, were we her family?
 I have had many a heartbreaking moments, but none quite so deep as this.

It took Jimmy and I only moments after we left to know, without a doubt we were coming back for her, no matter what it took.

After we had been home for several months and felt the transition for everyone was going well we reached out to our agency to see if they could reach out to the agency she was with and have her placed under their care. We were delighted to know we had their support, as our situation is not the most ideal to most looking from the outside in. To clarify, we have adopted four older children in less than two years and were now looking to bring in a fifth older child. Despite this they supported us and promised to follow up.

It took almost one month for the agencies to coordinate and for our daughter to be placed under their care, so that we could move forward.

Sadly, the day after we were told of this wonderful news we lost our home to the explosion. One of the first things I said to Jimmy when he arrived at the hospital was "what about "S"? and he assured me that there was no way in this world we were leaving her there and we would find a way to bring her home.

As we are set to close on our new home within a couple of weeks I have started the whole paper chase process all over again. We have to update our home study, new dossier, all new documents, fingerprints, and on and on and on.......

But in a strange twist of fate we are on the same timeline as we were with our boys and our girls, and I wont be the least bit surprised if come Easter Sunday we are in Ethiopia embracing forever our beautiful Daughter.

Thanks be to God....Amen Amen and Amen

The Other Side of Receiving

Oh man, it's her, the one who knows all about what happened with the house. She lives in the neighborhood and know all about the fundraising the HOA did for us.

Ugh, she is the only one here. Deep breath, smile, be kind.

Oh what I would give for anonymity again.

I pushed my cart up to her register. I had come here to get some storage bins, and misc. items we needed.

I smile....Hello again, how are you tonight?....She really is very nice and asks how everyone is doing....Fine, thank you for asking....

She is scanning the items, one by one....asking questions...going slowly...A line starts to form behind me...

I can feel my mind start to slip a little. I t is almost time to pay and I feel a wave of shame wash over me. I try to talk myself into an OK place but I can't, instead I want to run from here and leave everything behind. I fight back tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have been blessed by such an outpouring of support. We have been on the receiving end of donations in the form of clothing, money, gift cards, offers of child care, etc. The generosity of others had no limits.

We are so grateful to everyone, truly we are.

I have discovered though, that this is a double edged sword. Perhaps I need not to be so proud, or perhaps I must practice walking in grace a little bit more.

As I stood in that line I had been prepared to pay with the gift cards we had been given. But as I saw the lady at checkout, and then the line started to form behind me, I suddenly felt so inadequate. Thoughts were running through my head which said "you can't provide for your own family, these people may have been the ones who donated these gift cards, which means they are providing for your family"

I couldn't shake this shame. Even if it was completely unfounded and rooted in nothing more than my insecurities.

Standing there I weighed my options...Pay with the gift cards like any normal person would, and be grateful you have them. Or write a check, and try to explain to Jimmy that you had a checkout meltdown and couldn't use the gift cards...In the end I could not use the gift cards.

Paying for those items made me feel good. It made me feel like I am not at the mercy of everyone else, that I can most certainly provide for my family.

I got home and gave Jimmy the gift cards. I told him I can't do it anymore. He was so understanding, which is hard when you are talking to crazy, and he reassured me and told me I don't have to do it anymore.

This has been such a learning experience for me. Never in a million years would I have thought there were so many lessons to be learned. I am becoming a different person, stronger, wiser, more humble, and it feels really good, even though it feels really bad.

Thank you God for generous friends, family and strangers, and for Husbands who know just how to make crazy wives feel better.

Project Hopeful

We are so blessed to have the opportunity to sponsor these sweet souls in Ethiopia through an amazing charity called Project Hopeful.

To learn all about Project Hopeful visit their website at http://www.projecthopeful.org/about

If you are interested in seeing the children waiting for sponsors please let me know by leaving a comment in the comments section below.

We opted to let each child in the family pick who they wanted to sponsor, and Jimmy and I picked one for the two of us. Whether you sponsor 6 or 1 or 20, just becoming involved is so very important.

And now I would love to introduce you to our six little angels.


**This is Hate (Ha-Tay) Jimmy and I are sponsoring this beautiful boy**

**This is Mihiret and Ryan is sponsoring her. She is in 4th grade**

 **This is Dawit and Oz is sponsoring him. He is in 4th grade**

**This is Abriham and Ahbie is sponsoring him. He is in 4th grade**

**This is Medeihanet and Chuna is sponsoring her. She is in 12th grade**

**This is Adanechi and Elen is sponsoring her. She is in 9th grade.**

Onward and Upward

Living in anger and victim mode is not my style. It's exhausting really, and I always feel like I want to take a shower to wash off the effects of being in what I consider a dark place.

I don't enjoy life when my outlook is doom and gloom, and understandably so I suppose. But alas I am human and from time to time my mind slips into that mode and although I can recognize it is not my natural state of being, I have no choice but to ride it out.

Happily, the cycle is over and I feel better than ever. Thank you God and to all of my family and friends who were so very kind in reaching out with words of encouragement and love.

I went shopping yesterday for Christmas decorations. It was so much fun. As the theme I had created in my mind started coming to life I could hardly contain my excitement. I'm not sure which was more therapeutic, seeing all of the beautiful items, or spending a ridiculous amount of money. Retail therapy is wonderful that way.

And the best part was that I could justify the expense, thereby making it a guilt free shopping spree!!!!

I have some new ideas for Christmas gifts and am actually looking forward to shopping, wrapping, and giving on Christmas day.

Today life is so good, well everyday life is so good but today I have the presence of mind to know this to be true.

Loving that God is patient with me and gently walks me through the highs and the lows.

Happy Thanksgiving?

Forgive me if I come across ungrateful. I'm not an ungrateful person by nature, but I am a person and I simply can't be grateful every second of every day.

Today, this day when we are all supposed to "give thanks" I am angry and don't have it in me to do the politically correct thing.

Maybe it's the rebel in me that says I will give thanks when I am thankful, not because I am told to. Or maybe it's because I can't seem to encounter anything without being reminded of all that has been lost.

Whatever it is I'm not in a particularly thankful mood today.

But Lisa you have so much to be thankful for.

Um, you think I don't know that? Hmm? I do, trust me, I know. Thanks for the reminder, and for unintentionally making me feel like I am a selfish person because what I have to be thankful for isn't enough to keep at bay my grief for all I do not have.

Would we say to a quadruple amputee to be thankful, at least they have their head? Arms, legs who needs them, you can replace them with protesthics, so buck up Mr/Mrs Ungrateful, after all at least you are still breathing.

It's ridiculous to think that somehow that is an appropriate thing to say.

The  material items I lost were not just "things" they were a part of me. Every item I grieve for had a story and a history behind it. It was infused with memories and feelings. They were special for a million different reasons.

Only I know the love story behind the pile of rocks my niece drew faces on several years ago when once she was a more integral part of my life. Or the "jewels" she gave me which were placed front and center in the curio cabinet which happened to also hold our beloved Brooklyns ashes, which are also gone forever.

To some people these are only things. And on days when I have to completely disconnect feelings from thoughts, I can categorize them also as "things" but they weren't just things. They were bits and pieces of my life and collectively, along with my Husband and Children, all of these pieces made me who I am, and they made up my life. Someone made the comment that it's kind of cool because I get to have a "do-over" I get to start fresh. I didn't want a do-over though, I was happy and content. And the double edged sword now is that when I see in stores what I had before, things which I loved, I don't want them because they remind me of what happened, but I also don't want anything else, because what I had is what I liked and what I wanted. So walking into a store and trying to replace things only brings on tremendous anxiety and ultimately I walk away with nothing.
It is so frustrating.

But things aside, I have also lost the security of feeling safe, anywhere. For me I contend with thoughts at any given moment that my house will explode, or if I am driving, that an Elk will run out from nowhere and destroy my car, or I will be lotioning my leg and feel this strange bump and all of a sudden I have a tumor. Nothing is gradual anymore, there is no buildup it just goes from good to nightmare in a split second. I'm angry about this, I want my security back, I want peace in my mind and in my heart.

I can look at each of those examples and say to myself that while my house did blow up we all survived, sure an elk ran out in front of our car, in the middle of the night, totaling it, on the way home from Disneyland, but we all walked away from it, and yes I had a tumor in my leg, and now a 5 inch scar from surgery to remind me of it, but it was benign...So be happy! Be thankful! Stop whining!

But it isn't that easy. All of these things were beyond my control, they were thrust on me, so no matter how carefully I drive, closely I inspect my body, or walk through the house to make sure it is safe, anything can happen at any time, no matter how often I do these things.
There is no security and I am furious about this.

I hesitate to post this because of the way it may sound. But it is where I am today and my hope is that when I write a post next Thanksgiving it will be the complete opposite of this, and I can look back at this day and say "I am so thankful for how far I have come"

Fake Family

One hour in and the bathroom floor has become unbearable. It's cold, hard, and nothing about it feels like this is where I can make my baby girl feel better as she spirals ever deeper into a meltdown triggered by something unknown.

She is crying. She is angry. She is confused. She is helpless. She is wounded, deeply. She can't stop.

"You guys don't love me"
"I want a different family"
"You are not my family, you are a fake family"
"You are a fake mommy, he is a fake daddy, I have fake brothers and fake sisters"
"You don't want me you only want them"
"You don't like me anymore"
"I don't want to be here anymore"
"You are not my mom"
"He is not my dad"

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Man it's hard to hear that. So hard in fact that for a few days after I feel bruised, as if I have been physically assaulted.

I have long since known that this is but one piece, an expected piece, of parenting a child whom you embrace and call your own when they are older in age. Knowing it and experiencing it however are two very different experiences.

As she spirals, I remove myself emotionally from reacting to her statements. I know she comes from a place of grief, anger, confusion, and profound loss. My responsibility as her now Mommy is only to remind her, ever so gently, that she is so loved, so special, so adored. And to not dismiss what she is saying. To acknowledge her anger, to empathize, and to let her know that what she is feeling is normal and it is OK.

The truth is I understand why she says we are a fake family for her. She knows who her family is, and they are in Gambella Ethiopia. This family, here in America, is not what she ever asked for, or wanted.

But, here she is, through life's circumstances, in this family that, through her eyes, was forced on her.

That we love her beyond comprehension does not negate her feelings of wanting "her" family. As well it shouldn't. If I woke up tomorrow and my family was gone, and another family in it's place I would be furious. I wouldn't care how nice they were, how much they loved me, or how much they included me. In fact that would probably make me even more angry because all I would want is my family back and the better to me they are the more it reminds me of the family I have lost.

So many emotions. Big scary emotions for such a tiny little baby.

For me one of the most beautiful things about older child adoption is the process of nurturing relationships to create a family. While legally you are recognized as a "Family" as "Mommy" and "Daddy" the truth is those words ring hollow until you have nurtured and built those relationships. They don't just happen, you have to make them happen, you have to put in hours and hours of hard-hard work.

Just as a marriage doesn't sustain itself simply because you have a marriage certificate, building a family doesn't happen simply because a document says it is so. 

Building trust with children who have experienced the most severe breaches of trust is a long hard road, but if navigated carefully, nets the most beautiful results. I know this because I see it, every.single.day.

I see it when my baby girl only 24 hours earlier insisted we were not her family, and now she runs out the door squealing with delight "Daddy!!! Daddy!!!!" as Daddy pulls up from a long day at work. I see it when I am handed a picture only hours after being told I am not her Mom, telling me "I love you Mom"...I see it when my wounded baby wraps her arms around my neck and tells me "I feel better now, thank you for making me feel better Mommy"

These are the moments that I cherish and that give me the wear-with-all to do everything I can to see my babies through. Their love is so precious, their trust priceless, and their happiness soothes my soul. To see them make such strides and to work through all they are confronted with makes me so very very proud to call them my children.

You see, they don't love me simply because I bear the title of Mommy, they choose to bless me abundantly with their love, despite their fears, while graciously accepting my love for them.

Oh how I love my tiny treasures...

Know that Beauty is Everywhere

Ugh....What do you so when you have lost so much? There are the replaceable items; curling irons, socks, make-up, even cars. But what about those irreplaceable items? We have lost so many things that will never be replaced and sometimes that thought is enough to bring me to my knees.

Gone are my Gracie and Emily. These two pups drove me nuts but they were my crazy dogs and I miss them so much.

Baby pictures of Donovan, Kennedy and Ryan. With the exception of a few recovered they are all gone.

Christmas ornaments made by my babies going back 22 years...Gone. You can't replace those things.

Pictures and video of Oz and Ahbie with their family in Ethiopia. Gone.........

Pictures and video of Chuna and Elen with their Father in Ethiopia. We had recorded him talking to the girls, speaking words of encouragement and love to them. Gone..........

All of the pictures and video of our time in Ethiopia with the girls.Gone........

I had taken canvases and paints to Ethiopia when we got the girls. We knew we were going to see Oz and Ahbies family when we were there and so I wanted to bring a little piece of them home with us for the boys. I painted the hands of their Father and three Brothers and made hand prints on the canvases. Then I had each of them write their names on them. Likewise I did the same with the boys to give to their Father. These are gone...They are gone.....You can't replace hand prints made on that day, in that moment of life. Gone.......

*By Gods grace Chuna and Elens Fathers hand print was recovered. How some things made it and others didn't stuns me.

The honey bowl, hand carved by the boys Great grandfather. Passed down from generation to generation and gifted to us for the boys.Gone....

The video of Jimmy proposing to me. Gone......

Wedding day pictures. Gone......

Kennedy's graduation cap and gown. Gone....

Pottery we painted in Mexico. Gone....

A few years ago I started asking for letters instead of gifts from the kids for my birthday, Mothers day etc...These were all so special, and there was never a shortage of creativity. They were laced with words of love and special feelings often left unspoken by teenagers. Gone.....

As I work through this process of rebuilding my life I am reminded daily of not only the losses but also the incredible blessings which surround me every minute of every day. It is a such a fluid experience with feelings of deep pain mixed with gratitude every waking second of every day.

It is a very strange thing for me, not being able to escape for even a bit. Everywhere you turn there are reminders.

I have accepted the fact that only time will heal, and there are some things that will always be painful no matter how much time has passed. Such is life. If I am going to remain positive then I have to embrace the good and the bad because they go hand in hand and are beautiful in their own right.

How blessed I am to have had special Christmas ornaments from my children. How blessed I am to have sweet memories of the love my puppies demonstrated. How blessed I am to have read the loving words written by my children. My heart will always remember them. How blessed I am that we will no doubt visit Ethiopia again, and I will have paint and canvas' in hand.

At a time, when to the outside world it appears as if I have nothing, my life is actually remarkably full.

God is brilliant that way....


**I see these items which were salvaged and am reminded of how blessed I am. A hand made Christmas card from the kids. The journal I took with me to Ethiopia. A special gift from Ethiopia. My Husband....Life really is so very good**

Home Sweet Home

The inspection went great at the new house. Aside from something really crazy happening (like the house blowing up :) ...Come on now, that was funny) we will soon call this place home. We are anticipating a closing date sometime in early January but have our fingers crossed that it happens sooner.

All I can say is when you take a family of our size from a 5000 square ft home, and put them in an 1800 sq ft home, every second of every day feels like we live in a madhouse.

But I shall remain positive because it is only temporary, and we have a beautiful home waiting for us right around the corner....Patience is a virtue right?

I was going to hold off on posting pictures of the inside of the house for the privacy of the current owners, then I realized that they had already posted pics of the interior on the internet when they were selling it.

So I am happily moving forward with a clear concience and would like to present our soon to be new home.

The details:
*Our home is 6272 sq ft.
*Right now it has 4 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms
*We are finishing the basement which is 2300 sq ft. We will put in 3 bedrooms, a full bathroom, and a great room. The remainder will be a large unfinished storage room.
*It has a main floor master with a fireplace which can be enjoyed from the bedroom or while soaking in the tub. It also has a HUGE walk-in closet.
*There are two laundry rooms. One on the main level and a second one on the second level.
*There is a loft, and three bedrooms upstairs. One bedroom has it's own bathroom while the other two share a jack and jill bathroom.
*The backyard is good size. It backs up to open space. It has a separate area for a garden which thrills me to no end. And there is a hot tub which thrills the kids to no end.
*It is located on a cul-de-sac and is a two minute walk to the park.

And now for the photos which I present to you compliments of Ellie Bellie who is my budding photographer.

*The Front*

*The Study*

 

*Main floor powder room*

*Kitchen*

*Family Room*

*I love these windows in the Family Room*

*Master Bedroom*

*Double Sided Fireplace*

*Fire Place by the soaking tub*

*Laundry Room...There is no shortage of space or storage...THANK YOU GOD*

*Loft/View from Family Room*

*View from Family Room*

*More of the kitchen*

*Dining Room*

*Back Yard*

*Gate to my garden*

*Back of our home*

The Day My House Exploded

Musical beds, this is the name Jimmy and I came up with after the girls came home. This was the only way to explain the phenomenon that happened in our home each and every night.

Let me explain with this real life example.

At bedtime all of the kids were in their respective beds and we were in ours. When we woke up the next morning, all four children were in our bed, I was in Ahbies bed and Jimmy was in Ozs bed. This is musical beds.

It drove me nuts after a few months because I was forever sleep deprived. As I would find myself in the middle of the night trekking from one bed to another, mumbling not so pleasant expletives, there was nothing I wanted more than for everyone to please – for the love of all things Holy - just stay in their beds.

What I didn’t know during those late night treks was that instead of cursing this game of musical beds I should have been thanking God for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

October 11 was a Thursday and Jimmy was working late, he wasn’t going to be home until after bedtime. The girls went to sleep in their beds and Ahbie and Oz were in mine waiting for Daddy. When Jimmy got home Ahbie had fallen asleep and Oz asked to stay in our bed for the night. I conceded to another night in a bed other than mine and went to Ozs bed. We were now in three different rooms, girls in theirs, Jimmy, Oz and Ahbie in mine, and I was in Ozs. Sometime in the middle of the night the girls made their way into Ozs bed with me.

Now we had funneled from three rooms to only two. The girls and I in Ozs room, and Jimmy and the boys in mine.

On Friday October 12 at 5:30am after Jimmy had left for work Oz came into his room and woke me up, he’d had a bad dream and was afraid. I took him back to my room and we snuggled while he told me about his dream.

 At 6:00am Oz asked me when the sun would be up, I told him another hour or so. Ahbie woke up and they asked me if they could watch TV, they couldn’t go back to sleep. They turned on the TV, keeping it low as I’d requested and I rolled over and went back to sleep.

At 7:00am Ozs alarm clock went off waking Chuna and Elen. They couldn’t figure out how to turn it off and they came into my room. We were now all in my bed, the kids were watching TV and I was sleeping. Oz has only used his alarm clock a handful of times. That it was on at all, and went off in time to wake the girls only minutes before 7:15am is but one more miracle in this story filled with one after another.

We were now all in one room together.

At approximately 7:15am I was awakened by two things simultaneously. Something hit my face – hard - and there was a loud THWACK. In that split second I thought one of the kids had fallen on me or broke something and that was the noise and pain I felt. Before I could have another thought I was falling, still on the bed, but falling. There was a roaring that was deafening and terrifying, it was so very loud. I was looking up and for a second I saw blue sky.

I thought, in this order, three things; 1. This is the end of the world (yes I was serious). 2. An airplane has hit our house. 3. Oh My God it’s a Tornado!!

And then I was still, the falling had stopped, the roaring ended, and I was terrified and confused. My mind was spinning and I couldn’t think or speak. I saw Oz, and he crawled over to me, and then Ahbie. For some reason I remember looking down at him and bringing him up to me. We crawled to the window. I had to get them out of the house as quickly as I could. I remember saying “oh my God what happened” again and again, I may even have been screaming it, I don’t know.

Then I saw the house next to us and it was standing. That’s odd, why is their house still standing, what happened? And then my mind shouted Elen, where is Elen! I turned around to get her and didn’t see her. What I did see for the first time was a mass of debris, a wall of destruction that I knew I could not move. I wanted to throw up.  “Oh please God don’t let her be under there”. A wave of panic rolls over me, and then my mind screams “oh my God where is Chuna!!! Oh My God I can’t move this stuff, where are my babies??!!!!

I look up and miraculously there was Elen standing on top of a pile of something. As I found out later from her, she had been stuck under the bed, but heard me and managed to crawl out. I reached up to her pulling her close, “Come here baby, come to Mommy” she wrapped her arms around my neck and legs around my waist and we inched our way back to the window. It dawned on me then that I couldn’t stand, that I was literally in nothing more than a small pocket of space. Above me, below me, on all sides were pieces of my home, except for this one small area. I put my head out the window and did the only thing I could think of doing, I screamed and screamed at the top of my lungs “HELP US!!! HELP US!!!! PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP US!!!!!!”  Oz crawled beside me and started screaming too, HELP!! HELP!!

I heard Chuna just then, screaming in the most panicked voice I have ever heard “MOOOOOM! MOOOOOOM!” I was so confused, why is her voice coming from outside? I leaned further out the window and looked up. My God she is on the roof!! The roof is now almost on the ground. How did she get on the roof? Why is the roof on the ground? Why are we here? “WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!”

I call her to me, and she sits on her bottom and scoots down the incline of the roof. I see to my right our neighbor as he looks over our fence. But wait, that is our fence right? What is this mess? What happened? Oh my God my face really hurts. All of this happens in seconds. The boys and Elen are climbing out the window to arms of neighbors who have rushed to our aid. I climb out the window to Chuna. They take each of my babies, carrying them to safety. I try to walk. I can’t move. My body will not move. I am confused, my mind is swirling with the same thoughts, are the kids still in the house? Where are my babies? Oh wait they are OK. They are out. Quick get out of here. Wait, where are my babies? Are they still in the house? No they are out, they are OK.  

Oh My God where is Ryan? Was he home last night? No he stayed at Mikeys. But did he come home and I didn’t know it? He would be in the basement! OH MY GOD HE WOULD BE IN THE BASEMENT!!!! Please God let him be at Mikeys, please, please God let him be OK.

I can’t stand, but I want to walk out of here. My body does not cooperate and all I can do is huddle down and freeze. I see a fireman, he tells me not to move. There are nails everywhere, there is glass everywhere. He makes his way to me and I look at him and think “Why are you here, what is going on?” I try to walk and he tells me no, then he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. This terrifies me, I scream, I am certain he will fall with me over his shoulder as he tries to navigate this disaster. I look around and see our deck in the neighbors’ back yard. What?! That’s our deck, but it’s in their backyard. The fence is gone, why is the fence gone? How are all of these houses standing, wasn’t there a tornado? An Airplane? Was this only my house? Oh my God what happened?

Sasha!!! Oh my God there is Sasha running through the back yard. I yell to the fireman, its Sasha, that’s my dog, please get Sasha. Wait….WHAT ABOUT EMILY AND GRACIE? They were sleeping in the kitchen. Oh no, please no. And our cats, where is Shadow? Where is Max? Where is Reggie? Oh no God please no. And where are my babies? Oh that’s right they are out and they are safe. But Ryan!! Where is Ryan?? Oh God please let him be at Mikeys.

The fireman carries me to the driveway of the neighbors behind and to the right of us. He sets me down. They bring me a blanket. I have to get to my babies, please let me go to them. He will not let me go. He tells me to stay there, that they are bringing a gurney for me. No, I’m ok, please let me go to my babies. What happened? I need my Husband, please can I call him. Please I need to talk to him. The fireman calls Jimmy, but I don’t get to talk, he hangs up before I can talk to him. I cry, I needed to talk to him, I need him here right now…I cry and I can’t seem to stop.

There are people everywhere, and they are all in shock. I try to hide in a corner, I don’t want to be seen. Please don’t look at me, I think in my mind, but can’t speak.

Then the gurney is here. I climb on. My face hurts. My elbow hurts, it is bleeding. There is glass in my elbow. What happened? What hit my face?

I get to go to my babies. I put my head in my hands and I pray. I pray and I pray and I pray. Please God help me, Please God help me, Please God help me, Oh my God please help me. This is all I can pray, all I can think.

We round the corner and I see my neighbors. Are my babies ok? I ask. They say they are but I don’t believe them. I am wheeled right to the ambulance, “WAIT” I scream “I NEED TO SEE MY BABIES” but they put me in anyway and I am in a panic. Why won’t they let me see my babies? I cry…I am terrified…I am strapped down…I pray….

A fireman comes to me and assures me they are OK. He tells me that we are all being transported to the hospital and that we will be reunited there. He wants me to calm down.

My mind continues to replay the sounds, the THWACK, that ROARING, the feelings of falling, of being met with all of that debris surrounding me.  What happened??!!

I ask the paramedic if I can please call my Husband. He dials the number and then I hear his voice, my Husband, I need you here with me. He tells me he will meet me at the hospital. I tell him our home is gone. Please call Ryan, make sure he is at Mikeys. He tells me he has already confirmed Ryan is OK. THANK YOU GOD MY SON IS OK.

We hang up, and I am quiet. I am shrinking into myself, and I am suffocating in this bizarre reality that surrounds me. I think to myself, this has to be a dream? No, this is not a dream. You are in this ambulance, this is real. I want to shrink further and further away. I want to wake up.

The media is here, I hear someone say. Oh no, the news? Why are they here? What happened? Is this really news worthy? Will someone please tell me what happened?

Wait, I do not want them here, this is my life, my family, my devastation, and now it is being broadcast for the world to see?!?!?!

A new wave of despair rolls over me as I realize my life is no longer mine, my privacy has been taken from me, my children will never trust me to keep them safe, life as I have known it is gone.

Oh God please give me the strength to deal with this with some measure of grace and dignity because I have been stripped of all control and I am in a free fall.

Please God help me.



****This was our home****

  *The view from our neighbors home behind us*   

                                         
 *The window we crawled out of*

                                        
*The Basement*

                                         
  *View from neighbors house to the left*

                                         

*Another view from the neighbors house on the left*

                                         
  *The outfit Ahbie wore to Embassy*

                                         
 *Pictures Ahbie colored still hanging*

 *Master bedroom closet. Granite counter top from the kitchen protruding from the closet door*

  *Part of the Basement. We had a finished basement now it is nothing but concrete*