I have started a new blog, a continuation of this one, just a little different. I would love to have you visit me at http://habeshagoodness.wordpress.com/
I wish you many blessings and renewed faith that no matter what, life is very good.
Lisa
May I walk in grace always...
Monday, June 9, 2014
Friday, June 6, 2014
Six Months Home
Life these last six months has looked like this - hard, really hard, really-really hard, I am so far underwater I might die-hard, I'm done and I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE-hard, two good days in a row-nice, one week with no drama-nice, three weeks and only one dramatic episode-very nice, life feels good- really nice, hard? what hard? life is really good.....
This transition has been far and beyond the most difficult of all our adoptions. No amount of training, reading, or expert opinions and advice or prior parenting experience could have prepared me for what I was met with day in and day out. Let me repeat that - No amount of training, reading, or expert opinions and advice or prior parenting experience could have prepared me for what I was met with day in and day out.
When I was able to sleep I woke up exhausted, grieving, angry, guilty, sad, depressed, emotionally drained and incredibly lonely. I went to bed feeling these same exact feelings only magnified by that newest days events.
It was a long road, and one I do not ever want to travel again.
Our family is really lucky in that the issues we dealt with were, for the most part, temporary. There are still "off" days, but those are so few and far between now that they can be easily managed and do not suck the life right out of the house. Other families struggle with those issues daily for years, and have no reprieve. God bless them, my heart truly hurts for those mamas, papas, hurting children, and siblings.
I am happy to say that life is feeling good now. We have found a rhythm and everyone is settling into their own respective roles within the family. Huge, incredible strides have been made and a lot of healing has taken place. Those dark, dark days resulted in true genuine bright and sunny days. The kind of bright and sunny that you can only get when hearts are mended, and tended to, and trust, safety, security and love are no longer foreign concepts but a natural part of everyday life.
As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, and our family continues to evolve. I am eager to see how far we have come six months from today, and twelve months and two years from today. If the progress over these last six months is a fair gauge by which to hope then I look forward to what the future has to hold.
This transition has been far and beyond the most difficult of all our adoptions. No amount of training, reading, or expert opinions and advice or prior parenting experience could have prepared me for what I was met with day in and day out. Let me repeat that - No amount of training, reading, or expert opinions and advice or prior parenting experience could have prepared me for what I was met with day in and day out.
When I was able to sleep I woke up exhausted, grieving, angry, guilty, sad, depressed, emotionally drained and incredibly lonely. I went to bed feeling these same exact feelings only magnified by that newest days events.
It was a long road, and one I do not ever want to travel again.
Our family is really lucky in that the issues we dealt with were, for the most part, temporary. There are still "off" days, but those are so few and far between now that they can be easily managed and do not suck the life right out of the house. Other families struggle with those issues daily for years, and have no reprieve. God bless them, my heart truly hurts for those mamas, papas, hurting children, and siblings.
I am happy to say that life is feeling good now. We have found a rhythm and everyone is settling into their own respective roles within the family. Huge, incredible strides have been made and a lot of healing has taken place. Those dark, dark days resulted in true genuine bright and sunny days. The kind of bright and sunny that you can only get when hearts are mended, and tended to, and trust, safety, security and love are no longer foreign concepts but a natural part of everyday life.
As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day, and our family continues to evolve. I am eager to see how far we have come six months from today, and twelve months and two years from today. If the progress over these last six months is a fair gauge by which to hope then I look forward to what the future has to hold.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Ten Days In
We have been home for ten days. It feels longer than that, but also shorter. It's weird being in this transitional mode, when one minute life feels familiar and the next you feel like you have stepped into another persons life entirely.
Here are few things I have consistently felt in the last ten days:
1. I wake up excited and ready to start my day and within the first five minutes immediately feel overwhelmed.
2. Despite feeling overwhelmed I have been able to maintain a positive disposition throughout the entire day.
3. It took seven days for the jet lag to completely run its course.
4. I like it better when my Husband is home. I feel more capable when he is around, something about knowing if I need a break another adult is around to run the ship.
5. Ahbie is bossy. He is still incredibly handsome and funny, but wow, bossy.
6. Henok doesn't mind being bossed around, yet. He also is very curious, loves the trampoline, and hates the cold.
7. Elen does not want to leave my side and will sit outside the bathroom door just to be near. She is precious.
8. Senbete is quite possibly the kindest person I have ever known. She is quick to smile and loves to sing. Seriously, every time I turn around she is singing.
9. Chuna grew up in the two months I was gone. Did you know Justin Bieber is the cutest boy in the world. ever. She also wants to move to California so she can be on High School Musical. She is eight.
10. Ryan is by far the most laid back go with the flow person in the entire house. I couldn't have hand picked a better Son or big brother. Thank you God.
11. Oz is almost as tall as I am and it makes me want to cry. He is also full hugs which means I can't stop smiling.
12. I have kept up on the housework for ten straight days. Thank you Jesus.
13. I need a chart to allocate individual time with each child. 7 kids really is a lot, despite the fact I insisted it would be a breeze. Denial is a wonderful thing until reality slaps you in the face.
14. I love America and I also love Ethiopia...Equally....
15. My life is perfect right now, and knowing that it will only get better from here makes me smile from the inside out. I love my family, and it feels good to say that.
Here are few things I have consistently felt in the last ten days:
1. I wake up excited and ready to start my day and within the first five minutes immediately feel overwhelmed.
2. Despite feeling overwhelmed I have been able to maintain a positive disposition throughout the entire day.
3. It took seven days for the jet lag to completely run its course.
4. I like it better when my Husband is home. I feel more capable when he is around, something about knowing if I need a break another adult is around to run the ship.
5. Ahbie is bossy. He is still incredibly handsome and funny, but wow, bossy.
6. Henok doesn't mind being bossed around, yet. He also is very curious, loves the trampoline, and hates the cold.
7. Elen does not want to leave my side and will sit outside the bathroom door just to be near. She is precious.
8. Senbete is quite possibly the kindest person I have ever known. She is quick to smile and loves to sing. Seriously, every time I turn around she is singing.
9. Chuna grew up in the two months I was gone. Did you know Justin Bieber is the cutest boy in the world. ever. She also wants to move to California so she can be on High School Musical. She is eight.
10. Ryan is by far the most laid back go with the flow person in the entire house. I couldn't have hand picked a better Son or big brother. Thank you God.
11. Oz is almost as tall as I am and it makes me want to cry. He is also full hugs which means I can't stop smiling.
12. I have kept up on the housework for ten straight days. Thank you Jesus.
13. I need a chart to allocate individual time with each child. 7 kids really is a lot, despite the fact I insisted it would be a breeze. Denial is a wonderful thing until reality slaps you in the face.
14. I love America and I also love Ethiopia...Equally....
15. My life is perfect right now, and knowing that it will only get better from here makes me smile from the inside out. I love my family, and it feels good to say that.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
2014
Hello 2014 you have no idea how happy I am that you have finally arrived.
Goodbye 2013. You were a difficult year and as much as I appreciate your seeing me through, I am really happy to be done with you.
Here's hoping this new year brings with it much joy and continued healing for everyone. It is my hearts desire to look back on 2014 as one of my best years yet. It is starting off great, so if this is a preview of things to come then I am happily jumping in with both feet.
Goodbye 2013. You were a difficult year and as much as I appreciate your seeing me through, I am really happy to be done with you.
Here's hoping this new year brings with it much joy and continued healing for everyone. It is my hearts desire to look back on 2014 as one of my best years yet. It is starting off great, so if this is a preview of things to come then I am happily jumping in with both feet.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Kennedy
I never hesitated to tell anyone who would listen that my Kennedy would live with me forever. That even when she grew up, became a Mother, a wife, a 35 year old woman, she would always live with me. I love my daughter with every breath I take.
Sadly life doesn't always work out the way we intend.
Kennedy is a Mother now, and for all intents and purposes, a wife. But she doesn't live with me anymore, and hasn't for almost a year.
I miss her. Desperately.
I talk to her daily. I see her often and I get to love on my grand baby. I adore her soul mate, who loves and treats her like a princess.
But still I miss her.
She has grown up, my girl, and she is forging her own path in life. She is a mommy who adores her son and who lavishes him with love, kisses and the patience of a saint. When she stumbles she does not run back into my arms but gets herself up and continues to push on. She loves her independence fiercely and will cling to it no matter what. I could not be more proud of her.
My heart aches though because I miss her here, with me. I long for the days when her biggest concern was matching her shoes to her outfit. Or when she would come home from work smelling like a nacho supreme (to this day I can't go to taco bell without feeling a lump in my throat and expecting to see her smile when I get to the window). I miss the smell of her perfume and seeing her key chain with far to many bobbles on it lying everywhere but where it should be (she is her mamas daughter). I miss her messy room, her piles of laundry, her backpack in the middle of the hallway. I miss laughing with her, laughing so hard my stomach ached. I miss hugging her, watching her leave the house in her workout clothes, water bottle in hand and a smile on her face. I miss my daughter.
I am grieving for what has passed. I will never ever get those moments back. They are now and forever only memories of days gone by. Life has moved on and what I miss will never be again. I can't will time to stop nor can I will what has passed to be my present.
I do not know how to accept this just yet. In fact, unbelievably, there is still a part of me that refuses to accept this and insists I can make life what it used to be.
We make new memories now. We have new experiences together and she needs me in different ways. Now we talk about grown up things like soothing a crying baby and paying bills. This all happened to fast and I am stumbling to catch up to the present.
I miss her desperately and in a strange twist, during this season of our life, I think I actually need her more than she needs me.
Sadly life doesn't always work out the way we intend.
Kennedy is a Mother now, and for all intents and purposes, a wife. But she doesn't live with me anymore, and hasn't for almost a year.
I miss her. Desperately.
I talk to her daily. I see her often and I get to love on my grand baby. I adore her soul mate, who loves and treats her like a princess.
But still I miss her.
She has grown up, my girl, and she is forging her own path in life. She is a mommy who adores her son and who lavishes him with love, kisses and the patience of a saint. When she stumbles she does not run back into my arms but gets herself up and continues to push on. She loves her independence fiercely and will cling to it no matter what. I could not be more proud of her.
My heart aches though because I miss her here, with me. I long for the days when her biggest concern was matching her shoes to her outfit. Or when she would come home from work smelling like a nacho supreme (to this day I can't go to taco bell without feeling a lump in my throat and expecting to see her smile when I get to the window). I miss the smell of her perfume and seeing her key chain with far to many bobbles on it lying everywhere but where it should be (she is her mamas daughter). I miss her messy room, her piles of laundry, her backpack in the middle of the hallway. I miss laughing with her, laughing so hard my stomach ached. I miss hugging her, watching her leave the house in her workout clothes, water bottle in hand and a smile on her face. I miss my daughter.
I am grieving for what has passed. I will never ever get those moments back. They are now and forever only memories of days gone by. Life has moved on and what I miss will never be again. I can't will time to stop nor can I will what has passed to be my present.
I do not know how to accept this just yet. In fact, unbelievably, there is still a part of me that refuses to accept this and insists I can make life what it used to be.
We make new memories now. We have new experiences together and she needs me in different ways. Now we talk about grown up things like soothing a crying baby and paying bills. This all happened to fast and I am stumbling to catch up to the present.
I miss her desperately and in a strange twist, during this season of our life, I think I actually need her more than she needs me.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Oh No it's the project
The kids are all in school, public school that is. And they LOVE it! They love their friends, their teachers, and the fact that they get to ride a school bus. And I love that they love it.
I also am very fond of the school, each of the teachers, and the unique approach they take to teaching each student. Could not be happier.....
Until......
I get an e-mail from our Kindie teacher, Elens teacher, whom I adore as does Elen. This e-mail it says they are starting a project called "I Remember When". For those who may not be in the loop this particular assignment is every parent who has ever adopted an older child worst nightmare, but more importantly every older adopted childs worst nightmare.
Naturally they are looking for baby pictures and pictures from birth to present day depicting significant events in their lives.
Um.....How can I sat this without crying? We don't have baby pictures of Elen. None, not one. There is no way to get a baby picture of Elen.
Elen will likely be the only student in her class whose pictures will date back to only 1 year ago. My friends, she will notice this. And her friends will notice this, and anyone who is not really a friend and wants to find something to make fun of her for, will notice this.
And now I will cry, because this is only the first of many events which will highlight that she is different from her peers.
Let me compose myself now and google how does an adopted older child complete this type of project.....Because whether I like it or not this is the world we live in. This is the world my adopted children live in and there certainly is no reason to crumble over this. Instead we will rock out the best possible project we can and make our way through this obstacle with our heads held high.....
I also am very fond of the school, each of the teachers, and the unique approach they take to teaching each student. Could not be happier.....
Until......
I get an e-mail from our Kindie teacher, Elens teacher, whom I adore as does Elen. This e-mail it says they are starting a project called "I Remember When". For those who may not be in the loop this particular assignment is every parent who has ever adopted an older child worst nightmare, but more importantly every older adopted childs worst nightmare.
Naturally they are looking for baby pictures and pictures from birth to present day depicting significant events in their lives.
Um.....How can I sat this without crying? We don't have baby pictures of Elen. None, not one. There is no way to get a baby picture of Elen.
Elen will likely be the only student in her class whose pictures will date back to only 1 year ago. My friends, she will notice this. And her friends will notice this, and anyone who is not really a friend and wants to find something to make fun of her for, will notice this.
And now I will cry, because this is only the first of many events which will highlight that she is different from her peers.
Let me compose myself now and google how does an adopted older child complete this type of project.....Because whether I like it or not this is the world we live in. This is the world my adopted children live in and there certainly is no reason to crumble over this. Instead we will rock out the best possible project we can and make our way through this obstacle with our heads held high.....
Monday, August 12, 2013
Summer Recap
Summer break went by way to fast, again....But doesn't it always seem to work out this way? And to make matters worse we didn't do nearly the things we had wanted to. We did manage to fit a few fun things in though which makes me happy, but next year I really want to be able to actually make every day of summer count. Perhaps I will start planning next summer now, and that way there will be no excuse for letting time slip through our fingers as if it never existed in the first place.
Ah to dream....We all know that I wont give next summer another thought until May 29, 2014 rolls around and I scramble to make it the "best summer ever"......
Until then I just want to say goodbye Summer break. You really were good to us, and we appreciate every lazy day and every fun filled activity we accomplished on your watch. We will see you again next year....
Without further ado here is a bit of what our summer looked like.
Ah to dream....We all know that I wont give next summer another thought until May 29, 2014 rolls around and I scramble to make it the "best summer ever"......
Until then I just want to say goodbye Summer break. You really were good to us, and we appreciate every lazy day and every fun filled activity we accomplished on your watch. We will see you again next year....
Without further ado here is a bit of what our summer looked like.
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